September 3, 2012


to be there to watch your joy
or your pain.
To be invisibly present somehow when you make your first friend...
or answer your first question in class.
To encourage when you hesitate
to applaud when you show courage
to be proud when you are kind
or to pray if you are mistreated.

There are longings...
To know if I did enough
if I prayed enough
if I stayed enough
I have to wonder if I loved enough
laughed enough, cried enough
I long to learn from my errors in time for the next child
to be better.

These longings
on the first day of school
were shadowy prophets to the first day of university
The mother-longings & wonderings are mysteriously twin on these days.

The separation now is longer
The things I miss are grander in scale
Now they are not home by lunchtime to talk about their morning...
No, there are many hours & kilometers between us.

So instead of lunchtime together,
we wait for a skype call.
Instead of a bedtime routine, we text.
Instead of a hug, we send a care package.
Instead of driving her to the next event, we pray.
Instead of being together, we long.

part of a mother's life
a mother's heart,
a mother's world.

Let me long for You, Jesus, like this.

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