August 29, 2012

His Story



From my disappointment
drips His very kindness.

We didn't get our miracle.

Instead we got clarity through medical evidence
that this delicate procedure must now happen.

It's a door I didn't want to have to walk through.

Today there is a sadness, a letdown of sorts in the bottom of my faith,
in the wisdom of faith, in my future ability to believe for a miracle again.
I whisper these doubts to the Lover of my Soul.

I struggle between my desire to be honest about feeling disappointment 
& knowing that the very One my disappointment falls on
is incapable of dealing out something that is not bursting
with kindness & love & greater purpose.

When I finally look up from this internal struggle, 
I see that He is very near.
I see Him - He is leaning on a shepherd's crook.
He looks at me and waits.
His tender eyes slay me...
My tears are gathered from the grass by delicate angels.
There is a parting in the clouds and I see
the heavenly witnesses to this scene -
one that I am in.
He extends His crook to me, for I am His lamb.
I am drawn into an endless goodness,
To the Love That Never Fails,
to the One who tenderly Shepherds my soul,
to the One with compassion, to the One who also wept.

Tomorrow I may see Him in a dramatic power encounter
or a powerful, instantaneous healing.

But today it is enough - and it is right -
to have Him as my Shepherd.
to have Him caring with kingdom vision & purpose for my husband's health.
to have Him walking with His arms around the 3 children who prayed & wept
for Dad's healing -
not because they were afraid of the tumor or the surgery -
but because they so dearly wanted
Dad's faith bolstered by a personal healing experience
They wanted him to have his own story.

Today his story is God's kindness.
Today his story is a tumor kept at bay by a powerful, unseen Hand 
until he could be in the right place for specialized care.
Today his story is the amazing love & care of a community around the world.
Today his story is the generosity of a friend who gave him an airline ticket to do the pre-op stuff.
Today his story is a sister who was strategically in the right place at the right time to make all the medical arrangements.
Today his story is being woven into a billion other kingdom stories
with greater purpose and greater glory.

Our story today is the kindness of God.
Tomorrow our story may be a miracle.
But it is His to write.

And that He writes it is miracle enough for today.



5 comments:

  1. Mom, this was so beautiful...I love how I get to see what you are living through your blog. I love you! And yes, HIS story is the only perfect story!

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  2. Love you........you are a total protagonista in all of this, too. :)

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  3. Oh, Pam. I know it is not easy to get to this place in your faith. But praise be to the loving Father who is trustworthy even in the dark--the Faithful One who inspires your song of clinging. Thank you for sharing these heart cries. I have never heard these struggles, so common to man, expressed so perfectly. I weep and rejoice with you. And continue to pray.

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  4. Amen! Él es el Príncipe de los pastores!!! Es tan bueno...!!! We Love you!
    Gabi

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  5. This afternoon you had my wife and two girlfriends weeping over the off to college post, and now I feel I am reliving the week of praying for Bruce again with you... will He be near in this way? will He be near in that way? And what of tonight? Tomorrow?

    This we know. He will be near.

    Dana

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