August 29, 2012

His Story

From my disappointment
drips His very kindness.

We didn't get our miracle.

Instead we got clarity through medical evidence
that this delicate procedure must now happen.

It's a door I didn't want to have to walk through.

Today there is a sadness, a letdown of sorts in the bottom of my faith,
in the wisdom of faith, in my future ability to believe for a miracle again.
I whisper these doubts to the Lover of my Soul.

I struggle between my desire to be honest about feeling disappointment 
& knowing that the very One my disappointment falls on
is incapable of dealing out something that is not bursting
with kindness & love & greater purpose.

When I finally look up from this internal struggle, 
I see that He is very near.
I see Him - He is leaning on a shepherd's crook.
He looks at me and waits.
His tender eyes slay me...
My tears are gathered from the grass by delicate angels.
There is a parting in the clouds and I see
the heavenly witnesses to this scene -
one that I am in.
He extends His crook to me, for I am His lamb.
I am drawn into an endless goodness,
To the Love That Never Fails,
to the One who tenderly Shepherds my soul,
to the One with compassion, to the One who also wept.

Tomorrow I may see Him in a dramatic power encounter
or a powerful, instantaneous healing.

But today it is enough - and it is right -
to have Him as my Shepherd.
to have Him caring with kingdom vision & purpose for my husband's health.
to have Him walking with His arms around the 3 children who prayed & wept
for Dad's healing -
not because they were afraid of the tumor or the surgery -
but because they so dearly wanted
Dad's faith bolstered by a personal healing experience
They wanted him to have his own story.

Today his story is God's kindness.
Today his story is a tumor kept at bay by a powerful, unseen Hand 
until he could be in the right place for specialized care.
Today his story is the amazing love & care of a community around the world.
Today his story is the generosity of a friend who gave him an airline ticket to do the pre-op stuff.
Today his story is a sister who was strategically in the right place at the right time to make all the medical arrangements.
Today his story is being woven into a billion other kingdom stories
with greater purpose and greater glory.

Our story today is the kindness of God.
Tomorrow our story may be a miracle.
But it is His to write.

And that He writes it is miracle enough for today.

August 26, 2012


The heavens move…
Long before I notice.
I struggle to understand on earth the coming about of certain God-things ...
The way He will move,
The kairos moment He will choose,
The delays He will insert,
His pieces of choice that He will weave together.
I long for that “spiritual understanding of His will”,*
To just know a little bit how to proceed.
But I don´t see, I don´t perceive...
I wait.

The dark realm moves...
And I am slow to notice.
A sinister movement against His purposes, His movement, His timing.
It is very real.
My heart recalls that “there is nothing that is not subject to Him”*
The schemes are really against me; a battle for my upward trust, my choice of quiet confidence,
My leaning on God-plans and not on human action.
I am the target.

Over all these movings, He reigns.
He is not puzzled. He is not in a rush. He is not worried.
He is conducting.
He is orchestrating The Moving. 
He is stirring pray-ers, moving nations, crushing evil plans,
He is bringing together a season of lessons for me,
He is preparing a testimony for the observers: the casual, the intimate and the heavenly
He is synthesizing my life into kingdom work, into history work, into Greater Glory work
Oh that He would “make known to [me] the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure which he purposed in Christ”!*
I rest in His purposes.

The heavens move...
And I notice.
I notice the moving of the One “who works out everything for the purpose of his will”*
I notice His guarantee that He will make known to me spiritually just enough of the mystery to obey, to take the next step.
Just enough of the mystery to rest.
Just enough of the mystery to stand firm.
I notice just enough of the mystery of The Moving to continue to wait
For the Greater Glory.

Written as our family struggles to understand healing, faith and medical intervention and their interplay.  My husband has a tumor in his ear and we have wondered how to proceed...

*Colossians 1:9
**Hebrews 2:8
***Ephesians 1:9
****Ephesians 1:11

August 20, 2012


I choose to joyfully believe in Your provision
I resolutely trust in Your abundant choice for me
You are always generous
You are forever steadily aware and available.

Forgive my outbursts, Lord.
Have mercy on my silent spirals into doubt,
My emotional pendulum
And my (embarrassingly) loud tantrums.
Please help my unbelief!

When I return to You, it is to safety
It is to soft, open, understanding arms
It is a singing,
it is an intimate front porch swing,
it is a cup of tea.
Without a word of condemnation
You make me know the stupidity of my wandering from core truths.

I realize it
and mourn my lack of trust in this Perfect One.
I cry out and pray the space between trust and wavering
will be wider, longer next time.
That gratitude will fill and lengthen the gap
That praises will rush in to rescue
That faith that comes by hearing the Word of God will be fat
That community will be a holy covering and encouragement.

All of these things
Are part of this process called my life.
I hope for that greater glory
As I joyfully believe
In Your most excellent provision.

As we struggle to believe for 3 miracles we need in our family (2 financial for our girls and one healing for Mr. Adventure.)

August 10, 2012

THE QUIET MIRACLE (on signs & wonders)

It comes like a whisper
And brings a warming to the soul. 
It is a wink that passes between you and God.
It is not flashy.  It is not a spectacle.
But it produces, like a secret, a mysterious smile upon your lips.

Its quiet power and impact on you
Make it a miracle.
It´s not an obvious, public, dramatic sign or wonder
to be published or televised.
But it´s a sign to you.
It´s a wonder between you and God.

These quiet miracle-whispers
come in innumerable forms daily.
So I open up my heart to perceive 
through eyes, ears and all my senses -
The quiet works
of the God of signs and wonders.

On wanting to understand the small, quiet, daily miracles in our family's life as well as the big obvious, more dramatic ones.  Wanting to notice & to be grateful.

photo by:  thamimzy

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